There really are no better reasons for why I like Stargazer lilies, besides that I think that they smell amazing and they were in my wedding bouquet. Well, except for one reason that I believe at times, the name matches my personality.
Always been one to dream, dreaming as big as the sky of stars on clear night in our backyard without the city lights muddling up the view. A planner of sorts, seeking the big picture while setting long-term goals. I think I was planning my retirement at age 10. My mind never really shuts off, always thinking of ways to make things work better, smoother for optimal performance (at least in my humble opinion), along with ways to earn money without actually working hard.
These big dreams and plans came about as a result and HUGE thanks to my grade school girlfriend, Laura, who taught me to question things and people, to much the dismay of my parents. It has been an ever-growing theme in my life. Now, I find myself living in the middle of the world of “why not’s?” despite being raised in a home with the stifling theory of “be seen, not heard.” Anyone who knows me in the least bit knows that, this is not my style, never has been, never will be.
After all this time with trying to conceive, with taking calculated risks, weighing pros and cons of trying each treatment as the months and years went by, I have finally realized it dulled my senses and crushed the “why not?” spirit within me. Essentially, I was not honoring my free spirit, which happens to be number three on my list of New Year’s Resolutions. I think number two is coming along nicely but still working out the kinks on numbers one and four.
- Love openly & accept it unconditionally.
- Live authentically as measured with character of who I am by speaking the truth, and walking the talk.
- Honor my free spirit: maintain routine with the flexibility to change to go with the flow.
- Trust: an ever-reappearing theme.
Over the years, many of my dreams or ideas were never put into motion, perhaps they were generated just to feed the flames until an idea sparked so large that I could no longer ignore it. I am at that crossroads now with my career path, I see it and have to say “why not?” I will no longer choose to hold myself back from taking a leap of faith or from unleashing the spirit hidden within me. The funny thing is that if it does not work out, I will be glad that I pursued it and that I said “why not?” Whatever the outcome, I have this uncanny ability to pull myself back up to become a stronger and better person.
I have been so thankful that through this writing this blog, it has enabled me to make a significant improvement of self-growth by making positive choices to let negative things and thoughts go as I mentioned in the last post, Choices. It has allowed me to find some of the words to voice our journey and impact of infertility on us. I have written very intimate thoughts and feelings as we have grinded through the highs and lows, and they are ever growing or changing as I do as a person and we do as a couple. Not everything you think you know about me or us is written on this page or within this blog, nor could it ever be. They are mere smatterings that could be expressed of this whole process.
I challenge you to find the “why not?” spirit within yourself. Find the thing that moves you to change to become a better version of you with every day, week, month, or year.
– To Laura….with love and hugs! Thank you!
Laughed Until We Cried.... 
Love it! Gives me something to think about my “why not”! I hope I can find the strength that you have found one
day:)
Thanks Cassandra. I have found that our strength within never leaves us. It does carry us through our toughest times despite feeling weak or tired. It is when we finally have had a chance and time to wipe away all the tears to rest that we can perhaps look at our struggles in life with a new perspective. So we can feel that we are getting stronger or rejuvenated. It has been a huge learning experience on many levels that I am still uncovering every day….and it is exciting! Here’s to your “why not?” moment!